Then God looked over all that He had made, and He saw that it was very good (Genesis 1:31)
From the beginning God declared marriage to be a good thing. Soon after God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. God made His first declaration for partnership. So when did it go bad? Many would say it happened after the fall. Did God make a bad decision? No. So, how could something so good be so bad?
My discussion on this comes from my heart, and not from a critical place, or against married people. I’m not a Jezabel seeking attention. I just want an honest answer. It also doesn’t come from a place of ignorance, for common sense knows we don’t have to be in something to have wisdom about it. This is honestly and purely about relationships. So before you perk up your lips, sis hear me out. Relationships are all around us. They have different levels, but if you look closely they are the same…every relationship as a believer either brings you closer to Christ or away from him. Relationships bring you growth and strengthens you where you need it. I heard a young man say,
Maybe people are put in our lives to teach us to be more like Christ.
I live amongst both the married and the single. I learn a lot from them both, and contrary to popular belief, neither are better or less than the other. I grow weary, especially in the Christian arena, concerning marriage. How it’s so easily discouraged rather than encouraged to marry. Believe me, I’ve heard my share of why I shouldn’t get married. It use to be different. And regardless the generation, the decisions to marry and endure marriage truly boils down to you and how you relate to others.
I can hear people, while reading this say, “She won’t know until she’s married”. I get that all the time, especially from newly weds(that cracks me up… “Wait you’ve been married for how many days?” … Nevermind). Anyways you’re right, I won’t know until I’m married, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced relationships. Relationships build and grow you. Just like it isn’t easy being in relationships with friends, it isn’t easy being in relationships with a husband or a wife. Especially if you are learning to become one.
Tell Me Something Good
I had a guy friend some years back. We never got into a relationship, but I remember many times when we’d meet up, I’d come to him immediately about how bad of a day I was having. I think it was like that “nagging wife” issue the Bible talks about in Proverbs 15:17; 21:9; 21:19, and 25:24 (dang, I didn’t realize how much Solomon talked about a nagging wife… Well he did have 700 wives…there had to be a few naggers in there). Anyways, it got to the point, with this young man, that after I’d give him my sob story, he’d say, “Tell me something good”. I quickly realized how my negative view point on life became a discouragement to him. I finally caught on and started focusing on what’s good. This changed things for us.
How much can your good words and thoughts about marriage change things around you? And give hope for others.
The other week, I struggled with my significance in this world. I felt like I was just going through the motions. God had a really good talk with His sweet little Angel. He said, “Stop focusing on what’s bad, and begin to focus on what is good.” He encouraged me further saying, “You have your youth, and your strength.” “You are a healthy, beautiful 37 year-old woman.” You live in a beautiful city.” “You have great jobs.” As He spoke these things, my heart became encouraged. I saw beyond my issues and I saw the truth. It blessed me something serious. My whole cry to you married folks is just Tell me something good.
There Has to be Something Good About Marriage
There just has to be. Build me up with something good. Not many people enjoy the hardship of building a home, but the stories of how it became what it was, is always beautiful and encouraging. It needs balance. With every negative there has to be a positive, right? Let me know that marriage is still good. Let me know that I can believe and trust that God still says it is good. I know it can be difficult. “You ain’t gotta lie Craig, you ain’t gotta lie.” (that’s for my Friday fans… “Bye Felicia!”) But seriously, if you can be honest with me about hard times you can be honest about the good ones.
All Things From God Are Good
So, what is that saying? Marriage is from God… and it’s still good. And just because bad things surface doesn’t mean it’s no longer good. Just because you crumple up a $100 bill doesn’t mean it loses its value. Just because a storm comes, it doesn’t mean the sun isn’t shining on the other side of it. So are you the problem? Is your spouse the problem? How can you make it good again? Remember lady, you are a “good” thing!
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)
You always have to keep that at the forefront, even when you feel your worst… YOU ARE GOOD! Your reactions and responses at the time may not be right, but you are his good thing! God has blessed you to bring favor to you hubby! I remember attending one of the best weddings I’ve ever been to. They had worship and even an Altar Call. But my favorite part was when the minister asked the groom to look at his bride. As he did, the minister said, “This is your favor!” The groom broke down, and so did I and every other person in the building. Her smile, said she knew that she was his “good” thing. Regardless the years ahead of them, good and the bad, she will forever and always be, good!
So, before you roll your eyes again at this silly single girl who doesn’t know what she’s talking about because she’s never been married… Let me remind you. The same issue in your heart that you may have struggled even as a single, will continue to be worked on as you get married. Question is, when will you learn to relate?
Relationships are made to help you relate to someone other than yourself.
How you learn to relate will steer(ship) you to a beautiful and successful relationship. Marriage was not made to fix your issues, but to help you walk through them. Relationships, from the beginning, were made for love, and made for companionship. There is good in relationship. There is good in marriage because God has made it…GOOD!
So, okay my married sistahs. Hopefully you have gotten pass the fact that I’m single, and have figured out my heart and realized that I’m not talking about a status, I’m not belittling you, condemning or judging you. I’m honestly looking for you all to tell me that good still exists in marriage. And maybe, just maybe, this can help build up many of my other single sistahs who have been discouraged by the overwhelming negativity surrounding marriage. All we ask is that you be honest by giving us wisdom on the hardships as well as what’s good in marriage. You are our role models, not the Desperate Housewives of whatever city they are in now… Please…
Tell us something GOOD!!!