Is  Marriage That bad? Help Me to Believe Again… Please!  

Then God looked over all that He had made, and He saw that it was very good (Genesis 1:31)

From the beginning God declared marriage to be a good thing. Soon after God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. God made His first declaration for partnership.  So when did it go bad?  Many would say it happened after the fall. Did God make a bad decision? No. So, how could something so good be so bad? 

My discussion on this comes from my heart, and not from a critical place, or against married people. I’m not a Jezabel seeking attention. I just want an honest answer.  It also doesn’t come from a place of ignorance, for common sense knows we don’t have to be in something to have wisdom about it. This is honestly and purely about relationships. So before you perk up your lips, sis hear me out.   Relationships are all around us. They have different levels, but if you look closely they are the same…every relationship as a believer either brings you closer to Christ or away from him. Relationships bring you growth and strengthens you where you need it. I heard a young man say, 

Maybe people are put in our lives to teach us to be more like Christ.

 I live amongst both the married and the single.  I learn a lot from them both, and contrary to popular belief, neither are better or less than the other. I grow weary, especially in the Christian arena, concerning marriage. How it’s so easily discouraged rather than encouraged to marry. Believe me, I’ve heard my share of why I shouldn’t get married.  It use to be different. And regardless the generation, the decisions to marry and endure marriage truly boils down to you and how you relate to others. 

I can hear people, while reading this say, “She won’t know until she’s married”. I get that all the time, especially from newly weds(that cracks me up… “Wait you’ve been married for how many days?” … Nevermind). Anyways you’re right, I won’t know until I’m married, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced relationships. Relationships build and grow you. Just like it isn’t easy being in relationships with friends, it isn’t easy being in relationships with a husband or a wife. Especially if you are learning to become one. 

Tell Me Something Good

 I had a guy friend some years back. We never got into a relationship, but I remember many times when we’d meet up, I’d come to him immediately about how bad of a day I was having. I think it was like that “nagging wife” issue the Bible talks about in Proverbs 15:17; 21:9; 21:19, and 25:24 (dang, I didn’t realize how much Solomon talked about a nagging wife… Well he did have 700 wives…there had to be a few naggers in there). Anyways, it got to the point, with this young man, that after I’d give him my sob story, he’d say, “Tell me something good”. I quickly realized how my negative view point on life became a discouragement to him. I finally caught on and started focusing on what’s good. This changed things for us. 

How much can your good words and thoughts about marriage change things around you? And give hope for others. 

The other week, I struggled with my significance in this world. I felt like I was just going through the motions. God had a really good talk with His sweet little Angel. He said, “Stop focusing on what’s bad, and begin to focus on what is good.” He encouraged me further saying,  “You have your youth, and your strength.” “You are a healthy, beautiful 37 year-old woman.” You live in a beautiful city.” “You have great jobs.” As He spoke these things, my heart became encouraged. I saw beyond my issues and I saw the truth. It blessed me something serious. My whole cry to you married folks is just Tell me something good. 

There Has to be Something Good About Marriage 

There just has to be.  Build me up with something good. Not many people enjoy the hardship of building a home, but the stories of how it became what it was,  is always beautiful and encouraging. It needs balance. With every negative there has to be a positive, right? Let me know that marriage is still good. Let me know that I can believe and trust that God still says it is good. I know it can be difficult. “You ain’t gotta lie Craig, you ain’t gotta lie.” (that’s for my Friday fans… “Bye Felicia!”) But seriously, if you can be honest with me about hard times you can be honest about the good ones.

All Things From God Are Good

So, what is that saying? Marriage is from God… and it’s still good. And just because bad things surface doesn’t mean it’s no longer good. Just because you crumple up a $100 bill doesn’t mean it loses its value. Just because a storm comes, it doesn’t mean the sun isn’t shining on the other side of it.  So are you the problem? Is your spouse the problem? How can you make it good again? Remember lady, you are a “good” thing! 

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

You always have to keep that at the forefront, even when you feel your worst… YOU ARE GOOD! Your reactions and responses at the time may not be right,  but you are his good thing! God has blessed you to bring favor to you hubby! I remember attending one of the best weddings I’ve ever been to. They had worship and even an Altar Call. But my favorite part was when the minister asked the groom to look at his bride. As he did, the minister said, “This is your favor!” The groom broke down, and so did I and every other person in the building. Her smile, said she knew that she was his “good” thing. Regardless the years ahead of them, good and the bad, she will forever and always be, good! 

So, before you roll your eyes again at this silly single girl who doesn’t know what she’s talking about because she’s never been married… Let me remind you. The same issue in your heart that you may have struggled even as a single, will continue to be worked on as you get married. Question is, when will you learn to relate?  

Relationships are made to help you relate to someone other than yourself. 

How you learn to relate will steer(ship)  you to a beautiful and successful relationship. Marriage was not made to fix your issues, but to help you walk through them. Relationships, from the beginning, were made for love, and made for companionship. There is good in relationship. There is good in marriage because God has made it…GOOD!

So, okay my married sistahs. Hopefully you have gotten pass the fact that I’m single, and have figured out my heart and realized that I’m not talking about a status, I’m not belittling you, condemning or judging you. I’m honestly looking for you all to tell me that good still exists in marriage. And maybe, just maybe, this can help build up many of my other single sistahs who have been discouraged by the overwhelming negativity surrounding marriage. All we ask is that you be honest by giving us wisdom on the hardships as well as what’s good in marriage. You are our role models, not the Desperate Housewives of whatever city they are in now… Please… 

Tell us something GOOD!!! 

5 thoughts on “Is  Marriage That bad? Help Me to Believe Again… Please!  

  1. Shayla Dabney says:

    Wow, I am so saddened to hear that you have experienced such discouraging words about marriage. Marriage is not easy, but it is because dying is not easy. When you live with another person that is different from you, but you are called to become with one with him/her it does refine your character. In a friendship or other relationship you can just walk away if o when you don’t like it. In marriage if you desire to honor the covenenat you have made before God and witnesses you don’t have the option to simply walk away. If you are willing you face those issues. It reminds me of a post I read about a month ago, entiteled, I thought I was a godd person until I got married. For me, there has never been any other role that has refined more more than that of being a wife and a mother. I never want to paint a false image of either to make people think it is all just roses and romance or laughs and giggles. The hardest things I have walked through in life have been when my Heavenly father was refining my character. I have experienced so much of that in marriage not for my spouse’s sake necessarily but for God’s glory. Devin is my best friend and I desire him to always be. If there is an area where I don’t feel fulfilled by him I purposedly don’t seek it out in another. I ask the Lord to show me how He is my everything and allow Him to fill me as only He can. There is a danger to even seek this out in friends of the same sex as well. I think some people experience more hardship if they don’t want to die and look for the other person to give then what they want/need. If we choose to love the other person no matter what it helps us to not have a “woe is me” attitude. I love being married and would not trade it for the world, but it is not just about me. In Malachi God talks about why He hates divorce because He desires a Godly legacy. My marriage is what allows me to establish that legacy for His kingdom in natural and spiritual way. One of the best things we can do for our children is exhibit a loving marriage. We are amaxed by how many couples don’t even date after they are married. This is not a refelction fo marriage itself, but often times laziness, business or not caring enough. Some people put their kids before their marriage which is a also a huge mistake. People are often amazed that we enjoy time without our kids regularly given we have what many consider a big family. There is so much hope I have for singles that desire to get married. I hope that when someone says something discouraging to you about it that you take it with the same grain of salt we take the too many kids comments. People often speak out of their own experience, disappointments, hurts and/ or fears when they say such things. don’t let them define for you what marriage is. The best thing you can do is encourage them in the truth and pray for their marriage. I hope this helps and I would love to discuss it more if you have anything more specific I can share about. If you want more insight into my personal story, my last post can add as well. http://www.curlymom.com/12-days-of-gratefulness/

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    • Angel Victoria says:

      This is beautiful! And very encouraging! Especially your heart for singles who want to be married. Please pray for us for there are many and we have pure hearts for it. We are aware of the hardships. We grow discouraged and it hurts me to see it. Refinement…I love that example. I will never forget Pastor Larry saying, if you want to be holy, get married. If you want to be even more holy, have children. Lol! Thank you so much for sharing. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Navonne says:

    Marriage is so worth it when you’re ready to love God, Love you and then your spouse. I’ve been married for 22 years now, and their were moments that I wasn’t sure how things were going to go, but it is during these moments that I learned so much about me, about God and about Love! Point 1 is that you can’t be selfish and married. Point 2, you have to constantly be willing to teach your spouse how to love you! Point 3, be true to yourself and never neglect the woman he married for the wife you’ve become. Always remember that your husband married a woman who became a wife. Point 4, avoid unrealistic and unreasonable expectations!!! Point 5, don’t start anything that you’re not willing to make consistent. Men get used to things quickly. Point 6, when things become too intense remember the friend you married and start all over at hello! Never allow your spouse to become common. Keep something before you that will always makes you tingle in those special places when you think of him. Marriage is work and it is not for wimps! Marriage is truly about love and love unconditionally, flaws and all!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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